a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize