and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
