Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
