I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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