Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
