maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
