I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she peed on how many people?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
