I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
if only i could text you this smell
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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