We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
