I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
