I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
