Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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