Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
