clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
