theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
