I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
