We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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