never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
