he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
