Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
