I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
