Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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