sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
