he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
