I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
