I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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