I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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