she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
