It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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