I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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