my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
