She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
