it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
