think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
