zippers are such a cool invention
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
