i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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