'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
