I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
