i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
