Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
