Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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