hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
