i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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