how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
