i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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