let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
