I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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