I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
