24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
