If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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