dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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