Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize