oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
