I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
