I'm going to jail i love you
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
