getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
