Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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