Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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