She's JV to your varsity
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
