is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
