um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
