Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
