and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
