i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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