I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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