id be glad to
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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