sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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