The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
