I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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