put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think my vagina is haunted
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
