Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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