my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Randomize
