Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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